Is Singleness Really a Gift?

I remember as a little girl wanting to have the same family my parents had. I wanted to marry at 18 and have six children just like them. I wanted to be a young parent, so my children would reap the benefits of my energetic youth just like I did from my parents. I wisely wasn't allowed to pursue this endeavor until after I graduated high school. 

The idea that God would bring my husband and me together at a Christian Univesity was always in the back of my mind. I wasn't the "boy crazy" type, but they were definitely on my radar. However, I wasn't on the radar of any boys that piqued my interest.  Honestly, freshman and sophomore year, I was fine with this fact. I remember telling my dad my junior year that this was the year I was finding my husband. 

Failed. 

I began to get a bit worried during my senior year. I recall having Mrs. Berg for a class, and she said: "Most of you will get married, but for some of you, God has given you the gift of singleness."  Oh no honey, that message is for another girl. Not me.  I have a plan for how my life should be. I'm going to marry a pastor, we are going to have six kids. But there was something tugging in my heart saying, "Katie, she's talking about you." I was resisting that message. I didn't want God's good gift of singleness.  

I had another profound moment during my senior year. A missionary lady came and spoke to the class. She told us how she had been engaged two times! And yet both engagements were broken off. And she said,  "Listen, girls, my relationship with Jesus Christ has fulfilled me in every way." She made it clear to emphasize every way. And I thought I don't believe that. That is an impossible statement you are making. 

I have had several serious relationships that all were headed towards the goal of marriage. None ending in marriage was the will of God. Thankfully the Lord gave me the insight to break off the relationships. And the one in particular that I didn't want to end, God graciously and kindly ended it for me. I know somewhat of a romantic love relationship. And here is what else I know, a romantic relationship cannot satisfy my heart. 

Christians can have a wrong view of singleness. There are two views I have come in contact with from married Christians. Singleness is a curse or singleness is a "gift" of an easy life. A married fellow believer in the gospel (not someone from my church) said to me a few years ago, "You're not married yet, what's wrong with you." I simply responded, "I don't know, you tell me."  To my gift of singleness, this person asked what is wrong with me. Like I was cursed for not being married, that I am somehow incomplete until this husband piece of the puzzle is inserted into my life. This same person upon finding out that my younger sister was married said "Don't worry Katie your time is coming. There is a perfect man out there for you." This time, I just smiled. But inside I had so many things to say. Number one, I'm not worried, I'm actually very content. Number two, you cannot say there is a perfect man out there for me, I know you are trying to "make me feel better" but you can't say things you do not know. That is vanity and not helpful. Maybe there isn't a husband out there for me and I'm good with that because Christ has proven to me what that missionary lady told me decades ago. Christ has fulfilled me in every way. I have also been counseled more than once from married Christian ladies not to get married or have kids. They view their lives as restrictive and hard. They view my life as easy and free. Maybe I'll call it freasy. =) But is easy and free what makes singleness a gift? Not according to 1 Corinthians 7. 

Is singleness really a gift? Yes. I am convinced that singleness is a good gift. I am also convinced that marriage is a good gift. I'm so thankful for the life to which God has called me. I'm thankful that He is placing all the pieces to my puzzle as He sees perfectly fit. I'm thankful for a church that doesn't treat me as a second-class citizen.
I'm thankful that I am part of the Church, the Bride of Christ.